Bracing for Wormhole Travel

BRACING FOR WORMHOLE TRAVEL

1. Bring knees to chest
2. Keep feet flat on seat
3. Clasp hands behind head
4. Bring forehead to knees
5. Touch elbows to legs
6. When automated system announces “T-minus five seconds,” exhale all carbon dioxide from lungs and do not breathe until further notice
7. When automated system announces “Entering wormhole,” close eyes

FAILURE TO COMPLY WITH SAFETY GUIDELINES CAN RESULT IN SERIOUS INJURY OR DEATH.

(DOCUMENTED CASES)

Failure to assume fetal position can result in:

• internal organs vanishing into parallel dimension
• emerging from wormhole outside of ship
• emerging from wormhole in superposition with ship
• emerging from wormhole in distant past or future
• swapping brains with another passenger
• early-onset Alzheimer's disease
• implosion

Breathing during transit through wormhole can result in:

• multiple large oxygen bubbles forming throughout body, causing discomfort

Failure to close eyes during transit through wormhole can result in:

• panic attacks
• seizures
• blindness
• projectile vomiting
• existential crises

PEOPLE WITH THE FOLLOWING CONDITIONS ARE ADVISED AGAINST TRAVELING VIA WORMHOLE

• natural pregnancy
• artificial male pregnancy
• high blood pressure
• low blood pressure
• type II diabetes
• anxiety
• careless nature

REMEMBER...USE COMMON SENSE!

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