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Keep on the alliteration train.

A real clustercuss my social abilities are—a real hubbub, plight, truly a katzenjammer—and so common is the social sickness to my stomach, I could graph it.


No symptoms. Most common with direct family and close, close friends.

EX: Talking with your parents at dinner, talking with your friend whom was born in the same delivery room, moaning with your significant other during intercourse


A slight bewilderment at being suddenly approached, not hearing what was said, or failing to comprehend what the asparagus is going on, for example.

EX: A stranger asks where the bathroom is (you don’t know), a stranger asks where the bathroom is while the neighboring house is being renovated (you don’t hear), a stranger mumbles something to you about satellites and telepathy (you don’t understand)

Colored Cheeks

Cheeks become warm and rufescent. Usually a result of being asked to introduce yourself, maybe in one of those wretched icebreaker games at school, or another person bringing up your accomplishments and personal traits.

EX: It is your turn to say your full name, three fun facts about yourself, and your favorite animal; your mother introduces you to the other adults as shy, he’s our little programmer; an acquaintance asks what your hobbies are


Face moistens. From the tone of their voice, I can tell they are annoyed, or disappointed, or both. Do they know what I thought was a secret?

EX: “Bud, you’re on the presentation team—you need to say something once in a while,” “Wow, that’s a lot of corn starch on the floor,” “Do you have crushes on boys or girls?”

Cardiorespiratory Complications

Drastically increased BPM, hyperventilation. Consequently includes nausea, vomiting, profuse sweating, dizziness, blurry vision, tinnitus. They are angry, I am incompetent, everyone is looking.

EX: Woefully inept in the presentation team, I bungle everything, including the setup for the Rube Goldberg machine; I reread the letter to my teacher in my head; what is the formula?


Stay hopeful, you’ll be dead soon.

EX: “What are you watching? Is he naked?” “Whose fox tail is this? And the ears?” “I love you.”